Just another trip down 200

 It started out like any other drive to Missoula, I did have a visit fron Donnie and Maria yesterday afternoon and they stayed the night , so I did have a plan on bathroom stops in case of emergencies, first was in Shelby, Town Pump. Upon entering the restroom there I encountered a 300 plus pound man standing in front of the sink wearing nothing more than previously Whitey Tighties, way previously. He was using the sink to perform a truckers ritual called a "Hobo Shower" using paper towels and lots of water , soap optional. I hoped he did not see my reaction in the mirror, it was one of horror , one doesn't usually like to look at the floor in such a place but I couldn't take my eyes off of it.     So out to purchase the obligatory item for the use of the Lavatory, as I approached the check out stand from seemingly nowhere came" Well hello sir how are you today?" I was shocked out of my stupor to see Cheryl, I call her that only because that was on her name tag. Pleasantries aside I was mesmerized, Speechless really I wanted to talk but couldn't because of other customers, so I stared at her hoping she would pick up on my Telapathy . I screamed thru my eyes" Cheryl you are average looking, and in Shelby that makes you a Beauty Queen, obviously you present a welcoming personality, For the love of God run don 't walk out of here if you stay much longer you will be turned into the bearded lady or Mrs. tattoo, or some other Freek in their Band of Freeks, "Alas I got my Bag of Chex Mix and walked away, as I pushed the oversized door open Cheryl waved and said"Have a great day".  Walking to the pickup I realized Cheryl was lost forever , just another in that very short list of "Town Pump Pretties".     Next rather urgent stop was in Vaughn, Sinclairs it was walking up to the door One couldn't help but notice a folding table with odds and ends on it, the lady turned to me and in a cigarette voice said " Cookies, want some ?"her manner was threatening, I knew I could beat her up, if it came to that . She presented a misshaped mouth with missplaced teeth, so I called her Missy. So I had two bags of week old cookies.  The rest of the way was uneventful as I pulled into East Missoula, my thoughts were thanks to that 300 pound glistening hunk of fat in Shelby  and Missy having the Osmonds along for the ride wasn't horrible. I called him Harry no name tag but a shitload of Hair.      Does this sound like I am judge mental or just observant. You decide!

If it ain't Scottish it's CRAP

 Aye ,Just got off the phone with my cousin Brian from Alford Scotland. He's absolutely furios with the outcome of the referendum to leave the UK. He said and I quote." You Yanks got it rrrright, the Bluuudy Bastard  Brits have wooun it again, There will be Bloood in the streets of Alford tooonite!  As soooon as weee finish rrrrrr game of Darts Mind Ya. " I said " Are you pissed Brian? Aaaaaye and I'm Full of Pisss as well, Just one more Pint shooed do it Mr. blackjack." Brian is a roofer during the day and a damn fine drunk by night, makes his ancestors proud he does. Aaaye. I ended the conversation " Have a Weeee Dram for me". He responded " If you were here I wooood kick yourrrr Aaass Mr. blackjack, Damn stereotypes. Got to run my Nude Bicycle group is meeting for a ride, Don 'to forget your Gold Bond. Missoula sucks

Love you Riley

I fell so quickly that I lost hold of Riley, the damn inch of snow made the Front door steps slick and down We went. He landed on his head and damaged his jaw, I immediately felt terrible and responsible. That was the accelerant to the end. For a day he seemed ok but today he wouldn't eat and his jaw was obviously off center and very sore. His 15 th birthday was just a few weeks away, we knew this was the end...we've been thru this day three times before, my God how I a Hate this day.the day we have to choose for the end of our friends life. looking into his eyes and sensing that Riley knows as well that it's time to say I love you and this is good-bye. Good-bye to my Dude who Loved me as much as any friend ever, from the first time I held him at the Shelter when he hugged me with that shaggy  head, he had been given up on twice, taken to the shelter because he had some problems. He'll those idiocincatricies made him special, he was so excited to be ours, Rita looked into that shaggy face and said "your name has been Gizmo, but from now on your going to live the Life of Riley" so welcome to our family Riley". We were together for Ten years, I will miss you forever, love you forever, please forgive me for falling. Say hello to Tanna, Flossy, Cheaney and your old Buddy Mickie! We will be together someday just over the Rainbow Bridge! ...Good-Bye Riley

I love me some peanut butter

   After turning to my lovely and saying "we are dangerously low on Peanut Butter"   I suddenly realized  Peanut Butter is the perfect Food. personally I love to add butter to my Peanut Butter sandwiches as most of you surely do. As you well know it can be used to take gum out of Hair, makes a great car wax, the absolute best bait for a mouse trap. Also Hitler was known to spread generous amounts of Chunky Peanut Butter between his Butt Cheeks, thinking it kept evil spirits away, that Adolfo he so crazy. The origin of the great Butter is up for debate some say the Cajuns invented it as a way to improve the speaking of illiterate children,  others believe it dates back to the 17 th century and was actually a widely used contraceptive . HMMMMMMM.  Well hope you enjoyed this. Now where are my Salteen Crackers.